All relationships are different, and it’s important to listen to your intuition when thinking about whether you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Take a look at some of the checklists below and see if your relationship seems to have more characteristics of one section rather than the other.

Healthy relationships have trust. Does your partner…

  • Make decisions together with you
  • Support your individuality and independence
  • Give you the freedom to work or take care of finances on your own

Or does your partner…

  • Demonstrate possessiveness
  • Insist on knowing where you are and who you’re with at all times
  • Isolate you, surveil you, or attempt to control/restrict your movement

Healthy relationships have respect. Does your partner…

  • Respect your boundaries and requests
  • Consider you an equal partner, especially when making decisions
  • Value your thoughts and your feelings

Or does your partner…

  • Rush you into the relationship
  • Belittle or minimize you, your beliefs, your background, or your remarks
  • Make you feel bad about yourself

Healthy relationships have open lines of healthy communication. Does your partner…

  • Create a safe environment where you can communicate without threat or consequence
  • Demonstrate a willingness to discuss difficult issues
  • Have the willingness to compromise

Or does your partner…

  • Refuse to take responsibility for their actions, often redirecting the blame to you or others
  • Make you think you are crazy
  • Deny your concerns or refuse to take them seriously

Healthy relationships support both partners. Does your partner…

  • Support your goals in life
  • Encourage your own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions
  • Listen to you non-judgmentally, emotionally affirming and understanding you

Or does your partner…

  • Intimidate you and threaten to hurt you or someone you love
  • Make you feel worthless
  • Pressure you or force you into unwanted activities, including sex

In addition, if you are a member of the LGBTQ community and are in an unhealthy relationship, you may be experiencingany or all of the following:

  • Threats by your partner to be outed in the workplace, family, or religious community.
  • Invalidation of gender identity or sexual orientation
  • Hindered access to hormones or medications
  • Manipulation of law enforcement, community based organizations, or culturally-specific resources by a partner who appears more cis gender.
  • Fear/threats of bringing shame on the LGBTQ community if you were more open about your relationship problems
  • Lack of access to examples of positive LGBTQ relationships in your community

Additional Resources:  

TheLGBTQ Youth Space
Somos Familia
Gender Spectrum
Trans Family Support Group of Santa Clara County
PFLAG San Jose
Billy DeFrank Center